Beyond a Reasonable Doubt
by Edie Zee
Summary: Confusing thoughts about Eddie and his career goals lead Jamie into making a pretty big decision about his future with the NYPD.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter One**

Slamming through the door into his office, Bill Connor tried to shut it behind him to lock out his pursuer, but he hadn't had enough of a head start. A black loafer slid in between the door and the jamb just in time to prevent the door from closing. With a shove of his shoulder, the other man pushed the door all the way open again, forcing Bill to stumble backwards and into one of the client chairs in front of his desk.

"Listen, let's just talk about this," Bill practically shouted. He held up his hands as both a calming sign and in defense. He didn't have time to say anything else; after two loud pops of a gun, Bill fell to his knees, clutching his chest as bright crimson spread across the white of his dress shirt.

* * *

><p>Jamie watched the city pass outside his squad car window. Tapping his fingers lightly against the steering wheel, he shifted in his seat and glanced over at Eddie, who was currently enjoying her second slice of pizza. Jamie had finished his lunch – a salad – long before, and he had to once again shake his head at his partner's eating habits. She made a face at him, knowing him well enough by now to know exactly what he was thinking.<p>

"We can't all be rabbits, Reagan."

Jamie chuckled and turned his attention back to the street. His phone beeped, and he glanced at the text quickly before putting the cell back down.

"Oooooh. Was that a _girl_?"

Jamie smiled. He started to shake his head, but stopped. "Well, yes. If you count my sister as a _girl_."

Eddie sighed dramatically and threw her head back against the headrest. "Reagan! It's been weeks since you stopped seeing that doctor. It's time to get back into the game!"

Jamie purposely avoided looking at her. At her words, his mind flitted to the memory of their kiss. Despite what he said to her the day after the kiss – and despite what he told Renzulli about his intentions – Jamie was having a difficult time forgetting the feel of her lips. Her frequent comments about his love life certainly didn't help. He needed to stop thinking about her this way, now that he had made his choice.

"I'm just taking a break," he said, inwardly cringing at the unnaturally strangled sound of his voice. Not for the first time, he wished he was able to better hide his emotions. Fortunately…and unsurprisingly…, Eddie was more concerned about what she wanted to say next than she was about how he sounded.

"You're taking a break more often than you're dating! How are you supposed to meet someone when you only hang out with me and your family?"

Jamie refrained from answering, knowing that any response from him would sound even odder. Eddie was used to carrying on three-fourths of all their conversations, though, so she didn't seem to think much of it.

"Speaking of hanging out with me, you'll have to find a different drinking partner for Friday after shift. I have a _date_." The sing-song quality of her voice pierced him, and he couldn't help but wonder why it was that she kept bringing up her active social life. Did she really not think of him in that way at all, and therefore it meant nothing to her to talk about dating other men? If so, why the kiss? Because she was _definitely_ the one who initiated it… If she did think about him in that way, was she just trying to make him jealous? Or was she trying to find someone who could help her _not_ feel that way about him? Did she just assume that he didn't feel anything for her and would therefore not be affected by her constant string of dates?

Jamie internally kicked himself. He had to stop having these thoughts. He didn't have to question what Eddie felt because he _knew_ beyond a doubt how she felt. She had made it quite obvious when she said that kissing him was a mistake.

They were partners. They were going to stay partners. It was time to accept the decision he had made and move on.

But he couldn't suppress the sliver of fear that maybe it was already too late – maybe there was no going back now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The rest of the tour had been confusingly torturous, much like all of them had been since the conversation with Renzulli. Jamie was beginning to wonder if, perhaps, he should go back to the Sarge and ask him to separate them – not so he could take a shot at making Eddie his girlfriend, but because he now couldn't get these thoughts and doubts out of his head. By talking to him about whether he had feelings, Renzulli had almost made it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Jamie felt like he was equally as useless as a partner to Eddie now as he would have been if they actually did become romantically involved. As much as he would hate to lose her as a partner, maybe they both would be safer in the long run if he did…

On the other hand, the mere thought of going back to Renzulli about this topic was so mortifying that he couldn't bring himself to imagine what he would even say.

Not to mention that Eddie would want to know why he was asking for a transfer, and there was no way he could tell her the truth. More importantly, the idea of not being able to ride with her every day was horrible to think about.

Lost in all these thoughts, Jamie didn't immediately notice that the cause of his dilemma had entered the locker room and was standing at the end of the row. When he did notice her, he jumped back in shock.

"_Boundaries_, Janko!" Fortunately, this time he had his pants on already, so he wasn't standing there exposed in his boxers. His shirt, however, was still hanging in his locker. Just like the last time she had walked in on him changing, he felt completely naked – but he also felt an odd tingle in his stomach when he saw the quick flit of her eyes up and down his torso. Sure, he had to accept the fact that she didn't have romantic feelings for him, but it helped to know that she didn't find him repulsive to look at…

"Sorry," she said, sounding anything but remorseful. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to grab something to eat, since you'll be deprived of the pleasure of my company on Friday."

"I can go a whole night without your company, you know," Jamie replied sardonically, muffled briefly when he pulled his shirt on.

"Whatever you say, Reagan. Come on, I'll even let you pick the place."

"I would," he slammed his locker and spun the lock. He took an almost involuntary step closer to his partner, torn between wanting to be near her but not wanting to be tempted by being too close. "But I have plans to eat with Erin tonight."

When he had stepped closer, so had she. Now they were almost unnaturally close, but neither one of them made a move to back away. Being in such close proximity was nothing new but something about this time felt…_different_. Jamie wondered if it just felt that way given the many, many thoughts that had been swirling around his head that day, but whatever the cause, he couldn't stop looking into her eyes. The duration of their eye contact was now bordering on uncomfortable, but neither of them was looking away.

"Oh, I see how it is," Eddie said in an oddly soft voice. "You'd rather spend time with your sister than with _me."_

Jamie looked up and made an exaggerated _hmmm_ noise as if he were deep in thought, before responding quickly and matter-of-factly. "Yep."

Eddie exhaled loudly, playfully slapping him in the chest with the back of her hand. The contact tingled even after her hand was gone, and Jamie couldn't help but look briefly down at the spot where her hand had been. When he looked back up, it felt even stranger. That same _something_ that crackled between them the night of the kiss was back, and this time there was no alcohol to blame it on.

But Jamie also knew without a doubt that it couldn't have the same result as that night. Forcing himself to take a step back, Jamie effectively destroyed the magic that had been weaving itself around them. He glanced quickly at Eddie's face, but looked away again before she could catch him doing so. That brief glance, though, was enough to see that she looked a little shell-shocked too. A slight flush had risen up her cheeks, but Jamie didn't want to think too long about what any of this meant, afraid that he was only seeing what he wanted to see.

He had to get out of there… And he couldn't help but wonder if "getting out of there" was something that should be more permanent than just tonight.

* * *

><p>Jamie walked into the steakhouse and weaved through the tables to join Erin, who was already nursing a cocktail. She raised her glass in greeting.<p>

"Long day?" he teased.

"You know how it is. I already ordered your usual dinner. Hope that's OK; I'm starving."

"No problem," Jamie smiled. "Seeing the long hours you put in on your cases makes it easy to not regret being a lawyer."

Erin chuckled. "So what is it that you do regret?"

Jamie took a sip out of the water glass in front of him. "You mean besides the bigger paycheck?" He hesitated, trying to think of the true answer instead of the glib one. "Probably the mental challenge of it. I only get that sometimes on the job now."

Erin cocked her head. "So why haven't you been trying harder to make detective then?"

Jamie took another sip, not thirsty but stalling for time. Despite the brief taste of detective work he had had thanks to their dad, Jamie really hadn't thought about it much since then. He had told their dad at that time that he still wasn't sure what path he wanted to take. For right now, though, he actually quite enjoyed patrol – but whether that was because of the job itself or the person he patrolled with, he couldn't say for sure. Not knowing what he wanted to do long-term frankly scared him – and he certainly didn't like the teasing that he had to sometimes endure from Danny about not making detective yet. He was a Reagan…shouldn't he already be well on his way to being the next PC? Maybe that was what was expected of him – but then again, not too long ago, being a lawyer was what was expected of him.

But Erin was waiting for an answer so he had to say something, even if he wasn't sure of what the right answer was. "I guess because I think I can still do some good where I am now."

"Speaking of where you are now..." Erin had a glint in her eye that Jamie had learned to fear while growing up. "We never did get a chance to talk about this: why didn't you take Sgt. Renzulli up on his offer? I thought when you left my office the other night that you were thinking about doing so."

Jamie sighed long and loud. Sometimes sisters were more trouble than they were worth. "Can't my private life be private?" he groaned in exasperation.

"Not in this family," Erin said, not sounding the least bit contrite.

Jamie avoided her gaze. The reason was embarrassing to admit, but he knew that she would keep nagging him until he gave it up. "I've already lost a partner in the worst way imaginable. I can't lose another partner just because I feel something for her that she doesn't return."

"How do you know she doesn't return your feelings?"

Fortunately the waiter interrupted them with their meals, and Jamie dug into his steak – taking advantage of a full mouth to avoid answering her question. She was asking too many tonight that he just didn't want to talk about.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Jamie was relatively quiet at family dinner that Sunday, lost in thought about the unnerving questions Erin had asked him earlier in the week. Fortunately, his mind was taking a break from Eddie and thinking primarily of the questions about being a detective and what he missed about being a lawyer. Yes, he had always wanted to be a cop, but he honestly couldn't decide if that was because he truly wanted to be a cop, or because it was something that was built into his DNA. His mom had always encouraged him toward law school, but honoring her wishes was not the _only_ reason he had gone on to Harvard. He was telling Erin the truth when he said he liked the challenge of it.

After both his mom and Joe died, becoming a cop seemed like such a natural decision. He had never truly regretted it – not even when the student loan bills started piling up.

Now, though…now he was restless again…

Was he restless because it was time to try a different challenge within the NYPD? Or was he restless because even though becoming a cop was the right decision a couple years ago…maybe it was no longer the right decision now?

What was he supposed to do with his life? He knew a lot of people his age still wrestled with that question, but he never really thought he would have had to deal with that crisis.

"He went to Harvard about the time you did, kid," Danny's voice pulled Jamie out of his thoughts. He looked at his older brother blankly, realizing he had not been paying a single bit of attention to his family members' conversation.

"I'm sorry. Who?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Jamie saw both their dad and Erin give him an odd look. Danny didn't seem to think anything of it and just continued with the conversation. "My murder victim – Bill Connor."

Jamie dropped his fork and covered his mouth, suppressing his gag reflex. Bill Connor…there had to be more than one Bill Connor in New York. Even more than one Harvard lawyer named that would not be surprising.

Right?

"At Holland, Jenkins and Mann?" Jamie was finally able to say around the barrier of his fist.

Danny was now looking remorseful, likely realizing that he could have been a little more tactful since it was clear to all at the table that Jamie had known the guy. Danny nodded stiffly, glancing at Frank for a moment before turning his attention back to Jamie.

"Friend of yours?" Henry asked.

"Yeah," Jamie said, at a loss for words to explain what Bill had meant to him right after Joe had died. Bill had lost a sister when he was younger and when he found out about Joe, he had called Jamie every couple of days. He had always known when and what to say – and he had always known when the conversation had to stall for a few minutes while Jamie composed himself on the other end of the line. More than that, he was a sounding board when Jamie was considering the move to the NYPD. Oddly enough, they had never been more than part of the same social group at Harvard – never truly great friends. Their friendship really only grew in the wake of the tragedy…and lately Jamie hadn't been as good of a friend in return as he should have been. Things had been busy, and he had been moving further and further away from his lawyer life to his cop life. Along the way, the phone calls and drinks and pickup basketball games with Bill had become less and less frequent. True, Bill let them slide too, but now that it was too late, Jamie wished he had had the chance to thank Bill for just _being_ _there_ when he needed to be.

"Excuse me for a second," Jamie said, ignoring the concerned looks of his family as he stood from the table and walked to the bathroom. Bending down over the sink, he threw some water on his face then stared at himself in the mirror. Why was everything piling on at once? Eddie…what to do about his professional future…and now this? Couldn't he just catch a break for a while?

And of course that thought made him feel guilty – why was he worried about his life when Bill was _dead_? Not just dead – murdered. More than anything else, this news was the kick in the gut that drove home the point that something had to change in his life. As the water dripped off his face, Jamie started to formulate a plan to do exactly that – and maybe, just maybe, answer all the other confusing questions that were keeping him up at night. Just thinking about his problems wasn't getting him anywhere. It was time to take action.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, Jamie was finishing up the dishes. Danny, of course, had to run out to work on the case. Normally, Jamie would be slightly upset by that – wondering if Danny had Baez call him on purpose just to get out of the chores. This time, though, knowing it was about Bill, Jamie didn't begrudge Danny anything.<p>

Linda and the boys had left shortly after Danny did, and Erin, Henry and Nicky were playing cards. Frank was in the living room, reading the newspaper. Jamie got the sneaking suspicion that he had chosen a solitary activity as a way to encourage Jamie to come talk to him alone after what had happened at dinner. Wiping his hands dry on the towel, Jamie glanced at the others to find them engrossed in their game. Walking into the living room, Jamie racked his brain, trying to think of the best way to say what he had to say. He still wasn't sure he was making the right decision – but finally making a decision to act gave him a solace that he hadn't had in a while.

"Dad…can I talk to you?"

* * *

><p>Eddie strolled through the precinct building, on the lookout for Jamie. They were supposed to be on patrol soon, but he was nowhere to be found. A couple guys in the locker room had loudly made it clear that he wasn't in there when she walked in looking for him a few minutes ago. He wasn't at one of the desks. Making her way to Renzulli's office, Eddie finally caught a glimpse of her prey. Jamie and the sergeant were engrossed in their conversation. Curiosity overcame her, and she sidled closer to the slightly open door.<p>

"I don't understand this decision, Reagan, but I guess there's nothing I can say about it."

"I'm sorry, Sarge. I know it seems to be coming out of nowhere."

"Are you sure, though? I mean-"

"I'm sure," Jamie interrupted him. There was something about the emotionlessness of his voice that sent shivers up Eddie's back. She didn't know what they were talking about, but it caused a pit to start growing in her stomach. Something just seemed…off…

"I'd appreciate it, Sarge, if we could just keep it between you and me until it takes effect."

"Whatever you want, Reagan. I frankly wouldn't know what to say anyway."

Eddie jumped back from the door, trying to hide the guilty expression on her face and pretending like she had just walked up. "Hey, partner. What's going on?" She glanced pointedly in Renzulli's direction.

Jamie glanced at her, then led the way as they walked out to the squad car. "Not much."

Eddie was glad she was walking slightly behind him, meaning that he couldn't see her facial expression. Something was clearly going on, and he wasn't even going to say anything? She had no idea what was going on with him lately, and this only served to add to the confusion. For several weeks now, he seemed to be hiding something, and it honestly hurt her feelings. They were partners – they were friends. And yet, he still didn't tell her things.

Granted, there were some things she didn't tell him too… but she couldn't tell him that she sometimes still thought about that kiss. She couldn't be a _girl_ about it like that. He had made it perfectly clear that night and the next day that he didn't want anything like that from her, and it was all she could do to not die of embarrassment. It was hard enough to admit that she was slightly jealous of that doctor the other day. So, no, Eddie couldn't say anything about that stuff to Jamie.

But she told him everything _else_. And since he clearly wasn't interested in her, there was nothing he needed to be embarrassed about around her. So why was he keeping secrets lately?

And how far could she push him about telling her whatever it was?

He was relatively quiet for the tour – but that was nothing new lately either. Nerves and a hatred of silence made Eddie pick up the slack in the conversation, as usual. There were times that Jamie was clearly not even listening to her, but Eddie couldn't blame him – she was scraping the bottom of the barrel for discussion topics near the end of the tour.

And she was _really_ scraping the bottom of the barrel after three more days of Jamie basically acting like he was a statue. Eddie was about ready to scream by the time they drove back to the precinct for shift change. As they pulled into the lot, Jamie's phone blipped and he looked at the text screen after parking. Putting it down, Jamie turned off the car but made no move to get out. Sensing that something was really off now, Eddie didn't get out either. She, for once, just sat there silently.

"There's something we need to talk about."

_Finally!_ Eddie wanted to jump up and down. Hopefully whatever it was could easily be solved and tomorrow's tour will see things get back to normal. She missed the old Jamie! It took all of her willpower not to shout at him to spit it out already.

"You're going to be riding with a new partner tomorrow, Eddie."

_What? _"What are you talking about, Reagan?" He didn't mean a new partner like the way it sounded, right? It was just going to be for tomorrow's tour…right?

He finally turned to look at her, and Eddie wanted to reel back at the drawn, almost pained look on his face. "I put in my resignation from the NYPD. Today is my last tour."

Jamie practically exploded out of the squad car, walking quickly toward the precinct doors. Eddie sat there for a moment, trying to wrap her mind around what was just said. He was almost to the doors when she finally came to her senses, got out of the car, and called out his name.

He didn't even turn around.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The locker room door slammed open, but Jamie was expecting it. He knew leaving the squad car so quickly was a cowardly thing to do, but he also knew it would only buy him a few minutes reprieve anyway. Eddie was a tiny ball of fury, and Jamie had to bite back an inappropriate smile. Finding her reaction funny would not help matters at all during this conversation.

"What the hell, Reagan?"

Jamie sat down on the bench but didn't say anything yet, knowing that Eddie wasn't ready to listen anyway. She was clearly upset, fluttering around him, arms waving and eyes sparking.

"First, you did _not_ just say what you just said. There is no way you are resigning from the NYPD. Second, if for some asinine reason you actually _are_ resigning, that is not the way you tell your partner something like that! I can't believe you. You sit here for days not talking to me at all, and you just drop a bomb like this on me?! Something is going on and you need to tell me what it is! Right. Now." She finally stopped flailing and instead put her hands on her hips, glared down at him, and panted for air.

"I just told you what is going on. I resigned. I didn't know how to tell you, so that's why I haven't been talking much. I'm sorry that I sprung this on you, Janko…it's just something I have to do."

"That doesn't make any sense. You are a cop! You're the best cop I know, as much as I hate to feed your ego, but it's true."

Jamie smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He shrugged his shoulders. "It's just time for a change. Lately, I've been thinking that I didn't make the right decision to leave law. So I put out some feelers and got a job offer. And I decided to take it."

Eddie made a face. "_Ugh. _Don't tell me you're going back to being a stuck up, sleazy lawyer, Jamie Reagan. You're better than that."

"I guess I'm not," Jamie stood, ready to be done with this conversation. He didn't know what to say to Eddie to make her understand why this was the right decision for him to be making right now. There were so many things about his reasons that he just couldn't tell her right now. Despite imagining this conversation several times the last couple days, he still had no idea what the right words were.

Or even if there were any right words.

"No," Eddie said, shaking her head. "There's something else going on. You better tell me, or I'm never going to forgive you when I find out what it is."

Jamie sighed, then took a step closer to her. With a one-armed embrace, he pulled Eddie close to him and softly kissed the side of her head. He wanted to _really_ kiss her – maybe it was his last chance to do so. But at the last minute, he stopped himself. He didn't pull away immediately though, and instead he relished in the feel of Eddie shuffling closer to him under his arm. Her face was practically smashed against his chest right now, and he could almost swear that she was trembling slightly. A lump rose in his throat as he thought about not being able to ride with her just one more time, and he wished now that he had been able to make today a little more memorable, if it was going to be their last tour together. Before he could say – or do – something he would regret later, Jamie stepped back from her abruptly, turned on his heel, and left the locker room without saying anything else.

* * *

><p>Eddie took a moment to compose herself, so that no one would guess that she was really close to crying like a little girl. Walking out of the locker room, she couldn't help but feel like everything looked different now. It seemed like she was in a completely different precinct. It no longer felt like <em>home<em>. She couldn't believe that she was having such sappy thoughts, and she was really glad that Reagan couldn't actually read her mind – even though sometimes it seemed like he could. He would never let her live it down that the loss of him was affecting her so much.

She never thought she would lose him completely. That's why she had been able to live with the fact that he didn't feel anything for her. Riding with him was a small consolation prize, but it was one that she had told herself she would have to accept after he had pulled away from their kiss and ended their night before anything else could happen. Walking away from him toward her apartment door had been heartbreaking; hearing him the next day as he readily agreed with her that it was a mistake – a face-saving lie on her part but clearly the truth for him – had been excruciating.

This moment right now was a thousand times worse than either of those.

Despite the fact that her heart was currently being painfully squeezed, she was not so oblivious to her surroundings that she didn't notice that he was in Renzulli's office. She watched from afar as he handed over his gun and badge to the sergeant.

* * *

><p>Jamie finished smoothing his tie and shrugged into the suit jacket. It felt incredibly surreal to be putting on a suit instead of his uniform. He almost felt like he was George Bailey, getting the chance to see what his life would have been like if things had happened differently. He had to remind himself that going into a law firm for his new job today was reality, not fiction.<p>

He really wanted to talk to Eddie right now.

Jamie pushed that thought out of his head, grabbed the briefcase that had been sitting in his closet unused for four years, and left his apartment. He couldn't afford to think about Eddie today; he had much more pressing things to worry about right now.

An hour later found him getting a tour from a junior partner at his firm. Jamie had to work hard to hide the grimace that threatened to spring to his face at how stereotypical this guy was: bragging about how many hours he had billed and how many women he had wowed into sleeping with him and how many cases he had won. He couldn't tell if this guy – Phil Something or Other – really was this shallow and cocky, or if he was just trying to establish his dominance over the "new guy."

"Well, hello, Katie," Phil crooned at the young woman walking toward them. Jamie had to suppress a laugh at the look of pure disgust that flitted over her face before she smiled professionally at the two of them. Phil waved in Jamie's general direction. "This is Jamie; he's new. How are you doing today?"

"Fine. Busy." Katie turned to Jamie and gave him a real smile, and Jamie returned it readily, struck by how easy it was to communicate with her just through facial expressions – he could tell that she hated Phil, and he could tell that she knew perfectly well that Jamie felt the same way. He felt camaraderie with her somewhat akin to what he felt with Edd… He squashed that thought.

Katie walked past them, and both men couldn't help but turn to watch her walk away for a second.

Phil elbowed Jamie, as if they were buddies. "Not only is she a nice piece, but she's also the big man's secretary. Don't think about making a move, though – we're practically dating." Jamie bit back a sneer, then followed Phil as they finished the tour of the building and ended at the cubicle that would be Jamie's.

Jamie pored over the files he had been given, trying to refresh his memory about relevant case law and precedents. Harvard seemed like a lifetime ago. The typical sounds of an office surrounded him, but it took no effort to block those noises out – they were nothing compared to the sounds of the street. It was a little stifling sitting up on the 37th floor of a skyscraper instead of behind the wheel of a squad car, but he figured it was something that would take a little while to get used to.

"Jamie?"

He looked up from the files to find Katie standing in front of him and smiling. Once again he was struck by how they seemed to have a bit of an unspoken connection, and for a split second he wondered whether he should pursue something – that would certainly get his mind off a certain someone else.

But he certainly didn't have time for that right now. He had to keep his mind on the job.

"Yes, Katie."

"The senior partners have a few minutes to spare, and would like to officially welcome you."

Jamie dropped the files and stood as if there were a fire. He hadn't forgotten everything he learned in law school: when the senior partners wanted to see you, you should have been there five minutes ago. He followed her to a conference room, glancing at an empty office as they walked along.

That empty office waiting for a new junior partner to occupy it was a good reminder that, if he wanted to do this job right, he had to stop thinking about distractions like Katie – or Eddie, for that matter. He had to focus on why he took this job in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Danny slammed into Jamie, practically knocking him to the ground as he made the basket.

"I'm pretty sure that was a foul…" Jamie said.

"There are no fouls in street ball," Danny said cockily, shooting a grin at his brother. "Or are you too much of a big-shot lawyer now to play a little dirty?"

Jamie shook his head and sighed. Danny had taken advantage of every opportunity he could find to make a comment about Jamie's change in profession. Danny had never quite come out and said it, but Jamie could tell that he didn't agree with the decision Jamie had made. And based on how tense things were at the last family dinner, Danny was angry at their dad for supporting this decision too.

They played the rest of the game without too much trash talk. He would never tell Danny this, but Jamie let him win – often, Danny needed the win more than he did. Jamie was competitive in many ways, but not with this; really, he just played with Danny to work on making their relationship something a little more like what he had with Joe.

Grabbing his water bottle, Jamie downed half of it as he sprawled out on the grass next to the court. Dumping some of it over the top of his head, Jamie looked up at Danny who was standing next to him with an odd expression on his face.

"What's up?" he asked, partly afraid that Danny was going to try to once again talk him out of the decision he had made. As if there was any way he couldn't see it through now…

"How are you doing with this whole Bill thing?"

Jamie looked ahead, avoiding his brother's eyes. He still hadn't been able to explain why Bill meant so much to him. Talking about Joe was hard for all of them, and he didn't want any of them to feel guilty about the fact that a non-family member was there for Jamie in a way that the rest of them hadn't been able to be. Obviously, they knew that Bill meant a lot to him – his murder, after all, was the final catalyst for his big decision.

"I'm doing OK. I would be doing better if his murderer was rotting in jail, but I know how important it is to build the case and do it right. There's a lot of legwork left to do before that can happen, I know."

"Yeah. But we'll get the guy – for the murder and for everything else."

"At least you have a suspect in mind. It would be even worse if there was nothing to work with."

"Yeah, well – that's thanks to Intelligence. If they hadn't passed along what they knew, we'd still be twiddling our thumbs."

Jamie nodded. As a favor to the PC, Intelligence had told Danny that they had been building a case against Bill's firm, Holland, Jenkins and Mann, for aiding international terrorism. Bill had been slipping Intelligence information about it, so it wasn't hard to figure out the motive for his murder. Taking down his murderer could be a major coup for the entire world, as it would cripple some of the fundamentalist terrorist groups. That meant there couldn't be a single hole in the case when Danny finally brought it to Erin's office.

When Jamie had found out that Bill had been the whistle-blower that was providing the valuable information to Intelligence, he hadn't been surprised at all. That was just the kind of guy that Bill was. But it did make Jamie feel even guiltier that he hadn't contacted Bill in a while; if he had, maybe Bill would have told him what was going on and Jamie could have helped before he was killed…

* * *

><p>Jamie rubbed his hands over his burning eyes, then reached over to shut down his computer for the night. It was funny to think that just a few weeks ago he was telling Erin that he didn't regret the long hours of being a lawyer. He had only been at the firm for a week, but he already had put in more hours on this job than he would have in two weeks as a cop.<p>

"Hey, you're still here?"

Jamie looked up in surprise. Either he was more tired than he thought he was, or he was already losing his cop instincts – he had thought he was alone in the office.

"Hi, Katie. Yeah. Worst part about being the new guy, I guess."

She smiled, squeezing the jacket that was draped over her arms. He thought it was cute that she seemed nervous. They had talked several times over the last week, but this was the first time they had really been alone. The connection he had felt the first day was still there, though. Every time they talked, he could feel it. It almost felt like the way he had felt when he met Eddie that first night. Eddie had assumed his odd reaction to her was because he was expecting her to be a guy, but really it was because he felt like he knew her on first sight. That's the way he felt with Katie, even though she and Eddie could not be any more different. Eddie was loud, bossy, and a whirlwind of energy. Katie was shy and reserved, saying no more than what she needed to say. She, like him, seemed to appreciate silence, whereas Eddie would say anything she could to fill the silence.

It still hurt to think about Eddie. He couldn't find the courage to call her since leaving the precinct his last day, and she had made no effort to contact him either – she was probably still pissed at him. The more time that passed, the more Jamie began to wonder if they really were as good of friends as everyone assumed they were, or if their friendship only really worked if they were partners too. Deep in his gut, he knew he should call her before too much time had passed and things were irreparably damaged, but on the other hand, it had been kind of nice to not have to be reminded of his feelings for her – and her lack of feelings for him – on a daily basis.

"So, it's the end of your first week, New Guy," Katie said. "What are you going to do to celebrate?"

Jamie made a split second decision, figuring that what he was about to say could help him get over his unrequited feelings for Eddie. Not to mention, getting to know Katie better could certainly help him with his current job too.

"I'm going to take you out for drinks."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Jamie sat down on his couch, handing Katie a bowl of popcorn and a beer. He leaned back with his own beer and smiled down at Katie as she scooted closer to him. He reached out to turn the movie back on, but he would be hard-pressed to say what exactly was happening in the plot – he was paying too much attention to the woman sitting next to him to spare any attention for the movie.

Jamie had just finished his second week at the firm and, while he still felt like he had a long way to go with getting his job done there, things were going pretty well with Katie. After their first night getting drinks, they had gone out three more times. A few kisses here and there had built up the tension between them; tonight was the first time they had spent an evening in, and Jamie was on edge about what might happen. In many ways, he definitely wanted something to happen…but in many other ways, he knew without a doubt that it was not the right choice to be making right now. Katie certainly deserved better than getting involved with him, what with everything going on in his life, in his head, and in his heart.

Not to mention, it _had_ only been a week and there were a _lot _of things he felt like he should tell her before pursuing anything further. She definitely deserved to know some of those things, but unfortunately, he just wasn't able to talk about them with her. Even with all of that holding him back, he couldn't stop spending time with her – not only for all the reasons that made him ask her for drinks in the first place, but also because the more he got to know her, the more he liked her.

Katie gave no indication that she realized anything was holding him back. In fact, right at this moment, the popcorn and her beer sat forgotten on Jamie's coffee table, and her fingers were playing with the collar of his shirt, flitting lightly along the skin underneath. Jamie cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, as all the reasons for why he shouldn't be doing this flew out of his head. Turning to look down at her, he wasn't at all surprised that she was looking up at him instead of at the TV screen. She smiled playfully up at him.

A moment later they were kissing, and Jamie was blindly reaching out to put his own beer bottle on the coffee table. He pushed her back gently on the couch and hovered above her as their passion intensified. Katie started unbuttoning his shirt, and when enough buttons were undone, he made it easier on both of them by breaking the kiss and pulling his shirt over his head. Katie's hands on his bare torso felt like fire, making it easier to ignore the voice of his conscience that was currently yelling at him that he shouldn't be doing this to Katie and, for that matter, that he shouldn't be doing it to Eddie. He didn't want to be _that guy_ – the one who slept with a girl for his own physical needs, without thinking of all the emotional fallout that could happen if everyone involved knew everything they should know. But he was quickly losing that moral battle with himself. He briefly wondered what happened to the Eagle Scout that Eddie teased him for being, but he stopped wondering when Katie started undoing his belt buckle.

* * *

><p>Eddie took a deep breath and tried to find her courage. Coming over to Jamie's had seemed like a good idea after a few drinks at the bar, but now she wasn't so sure. All she knew was that she couldn't let any more time pass before she talked to him, or she might never do so again. She was so surprised and so mad during their last conversation that she didn't even remember everything that was said.<p>

These last two weeks had been among the worst of her life, and given everything that had happened with her dad, that was saying something. Going from seeing Jamie almost every day to not seeing him at all had left her feeling adrift. If she was being honest with herself, a major part of the reason she missed him was that she felt more for him than she should. She couldn't help but think that, now that they weren't partners, maybe she could have him in her life in a different way… Granted, she knew that he didn't feel that way about her, but now that she didn't have to worry about their work partnership, she could try harder to make him see her in that light.

She would be absolutely mortified if she made a move tonight only to have him say that there was no way he would ever see her that way. On the other hand, at this point, what did she have to lose? After all, he was already out of her life…

Taking another deep breath and smoothing down her shirt, Eddie reached out and knocked on the door before she could talk herself out of it. She chuckled slightly, telling herself to get over her nerves. This was _Jamie_.

It was taking longer than she thought it would for him to answer the door. She would have worried that he wasn't even home, but she could just barely hear his TV. After what seemed like an eternity, she heard the lock turn. She quickly cleared her throat and rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans.

When the door opened, Jamie was still buttoning his shirt. She had seen him shirtless often in the locker room, but this time it struck her as odd. Perhaps that was because of the almost guilty expression that flew onto his face when he saw that it was her.

"Eddie!" His voice was strangled, as he looked back over his shoulder. At that moment, everything fell into place and her mind started scrambling for what to say to save some face for coming here. She ignored the pain in her heart, and instead pulled out the teasing voice that had been her armor around him so often since their kiss.

"Well, _now _I know why you haven't been around the bar lately!" She reached out and punched him in the arm. "Good for you, slugger!"

Jamie's mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. He looked behind him again, stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered hoarsely, and the fact that he seemed almost angry annoyed Eddie. If she was being honest with herself, she let herself be annoyed by it because she needed some kind of emotional outlet other than heartbreak.

"Well, last I checked, we were still _friends_, Jamie, and I haven't heard from you in weeks! What? Just because we're not partners anymore, you don't want to hang out with me anymore?"

Jamie paled a little. "Of course, I still want to hang out with you sometimes. I just have been busy."

Eddie leaned over to look at his door, then stood upright again to give him a look. "I can see that," she said dryly.

His paleness was replaced by the slight blush that always popped up whenever she talked about his love life. "I don't mean that. I've been busy with…work."

"So you're saying you're just too busy for me now?" Eddie meant for it to be a joke, but even she could tell that her voice sounded oddly pained.

Jamie sighed and ran his hand over his face. "No, that's not what I'm – "

"Hey," Eddie said, raising her hands in mock surrender. "I get it. Sorry I bothered you…"

Eddie turned and started walking away, trying to escape before her bravado dissolved into tears. She should have known better than to think he would let her just walk away, though. His arm on her elbow pulled her back, and she was fortunately able to school the emotions off her face before she had to look at him again.

"Listen, Eddie. There's just a lot going on right now and –"

"And what happened to us telling each other about what's going on?!" Eddie spat out. "What happened to you trusting me? You make this huge decision without even talking to me first, and now you're just cutting me out of your life!"

"No, listen, I…"

"Never mind, Jamie. I don't want to hear it any more. You had a thousand chances to talk to me, and it's too late now. We're not partners any more. And clearly you don't want to be friends either. Let's just say it was nice while it lasted and be done with it."

Eddie jerked her elbow out of his hand and stormed off, ignoring him calling out her name. She hadn't wanted to fight again when she came over tonight. Maybe it was because he was with someone. Maybe because he was quite clearly keeping things from her. Whatever the reason, she had said what she said. She already regretted saying it, and the tears were coming down her face, but she couldn't go back now. She had taken the first step in repairing their relationship by coming over tonight. It was up to him now to take the next step…and if he didn't take one, then well, that would be it, wouldn't it?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Jamie typed at his computer, slightly amazed at how easily writing motions for judges had come back to him after only a month and a half with the firm. As a cop, the paperwork was always the most tedious part of the job, and it was the same here. Taking a break, he cracked his knuckles and took a sidelong glance at the empty office down the hall.

"You can see yourself in there, can't you, man?" Phil's booming voice sounded behind Jamie. He forced a grin to his face and swiveled to face his co-worker. Jamie couldn't stand the guy, but he had to keep being friendly to him – it was _crucial_ to his current job. "It will take you a lot more billable hours and courtroom wins, but I think you could make it someday."

Jamie bit back the snarky comment he wanted to make. "And I would be willing to do anything to do this job right."

"That's the kind of attitude we like to see! I've been telling the bosses about you. They're impressed."

Jamie nodded and leaned back in his chair confidently. "Good to hear. What else can I do to impress them even more?"

"I was hoping you'd say that. Here," Phil handed Jamie the file folder he was holding. "Take a look at this and bring me some suggestions by the end of the day."

"Sure thing. Thanks, man."

Phil walked away. Jamie opened the file folder, knowing that he was too new to get anything really big but still hoping it was something he could work with. To the average lawyer who wasn't looking for what Jamie was looking for, it seemed like a typical company merger proposal. For Jamie, though, it screamed something much more than that to him.

Glancing around quickly, Jamie pulled out his phone and scrolled through his list of contacts. He went too far down the list and saw Eddie's name glaring at him reproachfully from the screen. A pang of guilt and longing shot through him. He hadn't talked to her since the night at his apartment, but it was not that he hadn't wanted to do so. Until he had the words to tell her what she needed and wanted to know, he didn't think it was worth it to even try. He just hoped that, by the time he did feel like he was able to talk to her about everything, she would still let him.

Seeing her that night did have one good result – it had reminded him that he _was_ basically an Eagle Scout at heart. He had tactfully and kindly extricated himself from a romantic relationship with Katie before things went too far, and while she was hurt for a little while, the last couple weeks had instead seen them turn into good friends. They even still hung out quite frequently after work, so in some ways, she was still serving as a replacement for Eddie. However, she was at least replacing Eddie in a way that didn't make Jamie feel incredibly guilty.

Pushing thoughts of Eddie out of his head, Jamie scrolled back up his list of contacts and touched Danny's name.

"We have to talk."

* * *

><p>Jamie held up a sandwich and soda as he walked up to Katie's desk. "Do you have time for dinner?" It was already well past the time normal people ate dinner, but Jamie knew that Katie's boss had her working on a file that would keep her there for another couple hours still. Cops may have long tours, but lawyers – especially young ones trying to prove themselves – were also quite famous for working around the clock at times. While Katie was an assistant and not a lawyer herself, her boss gave her enough duties to employ multiple assistants.<p>

In fact, right now, she was working on the same case that Jamie was working on for Phil.

"Great! I'm starving."

"Let's go spread out in conference room A. It's not going to be used again tonight, I'm sure."

"Sounds good." Katie typed a few more words, locked her computer screen, and pushed back her chair. "Thanks for dinner. You're the best non-boyfriend a girl could have."

A couple weeks ago, after he had broken things off with her, he would have winced at that comment, convinced that she was still upset with him. Now, though, they had reached a point where he knew she was truly joking. He had even told her about Eddie – sort of, at least – as a way to explain why he had to end things, and ever since then she had been constantly pushing him to call her.

They walked into the conference room, and Jamie nonchalantly closed the door behind himself. Even though there were only a few people left in the offices, he didn't want anyone to hear what he was about to say.

It was time to tell Katie the _other_ reason why he didn't feel right about entering into a relationship with her.

By the time he finished telling her the last of his secrets, she was sitting there shell-shocked with the sandwich forgotten in front of her.

"I don't believe it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's…it's not your fault."

"I know. I'm still sorry." Jamie reached out and covered her hand with his. "And I don't mean to burden you with this, but I need your help."

Katie took a deep breath and looked up at Jamie. He could see the fear in her eyes, but the fear was tempered with determination. "Absolutely."

* * *

><p>When the last of their co-workers finally left, it was after midnight. A very tired Jamie had been ready to scream at the young woman, telling her that getting sleep was just as important as working hard when trying to be a good employee. The second the elevator doors closed behind her, though, Jamie was hit with a second wind of adrenaline. He bounced out of his seat and made his way back to Katie's desk. If what they were doing wasn't so serious, he would have laughed at the expression on her face.<p>

Katie's hands shook as she pulled a set of keys out of her top desk drawer and turned to the door behind her desk. She slipped into the office and Jamie followed her, closing the door behind him and locking it. Even though they were alone, he didn't want to take the chance that a janitor would start cleaning the outer offices.

Jamie pulled a pen-size flashlight out of his pocket and started going through the files in the cabinet behind the desk. It took way too long to find the right files; pulling them out, Jamie handed a couple to Katie. They sat cross-legged on the floor and Jamie shone the light down so they could skim through them.

"Are you sure this is legal? It doesn't feel legal," Katie whispered.

"Yes. My sister got the warrant this afternoon."

"I just wish your brother would come back in broad daylight tomorrow and do it himself!"

"This is just to keep the element of surprise. If someone were to get wind of this before they should, a lot of bad things could happen."

They read in silence for a while. Although the door was closed, the rest of the floor was quiet enough that the ding of the elevator sounded like it was right next to them. Jamie and Katie looked at each other in shock. Jamie stood and shoved the files back into the cabinet. Jamie grabbed her hand, pulled her off the floor, and pushed her into the private bathroom off of the office. He closed the door just in time, as they could hear the outer door being unlocked.

"I can't believe this," Katie whispered. "Richard is never here this late at night."

"That you know of…" Jamie whispered back, and Katie acknowledged with a twist of her head that this was true.

One of the voices in the other room was clearly Katie's boss, Richard, but Jamie couldn't make out who the other man was. He was tempted to ease the bathroom door slightly more open, since he hadn't had time to close it all the way in the first place. He didn't want to risk Katie's safety, but the end was in sight. He was so close to being done with this job, and he wanted things to get back to normal so badly. Deciding that he could risk opening the door just a sliver more, Jamie was disappointed to find that he still couldn't see who it was from this angle.

But he could hear them better now – and what he heard sent a shiver down his back.

"Why is this drawer open?" Richard was angry and suspicious. Jamie tensed, preparing himself to fight if he had to, but before he could do anything else, Katie's hand on his arm pushed him aside. Jamie watched in shock as Katie walked into the office.

"I'm sorry, sir. That was me. I was filing a few copies for you when I had to go to the bathroom."

"Katie…what are you still doing here?"

"Oh, things were just piling up on me today, so I didn't get to everything earlier."

"What were you filing, Katie?" That wasn't Richard. This time, though, Jamie was able to place the voice. Phil.

He should have guessed that Phil was involved…

"Katie?"

She still hadn't answered, and a pit of fear settled in Jamie's stomach. Katie was at a loss for words, and now she really was in danger. Jamie couldn't let her face his enemies for him. If he had the time, he would call Danny, but there wasn't any. He had to act now.

Bursting out of the bathroom, he pushed Katie behind him.

"Richard Holland, Philip Lewis…you're under arrest."

Jamie hoped he sounded more confident than he felt. He didn't have his gun or his badge, he had absolutely no backup, and he was standing in a room with people who had no qualms about aiding international terrorism – not to mention that one of them was very likely a murderer.

"What?" Phil asked incredulously. Holland just sneered. The older man opened his desk drawer and reached into it, ignoring Jamie's shouts to keep his hands where he could see them. A moment later, time slowed down as Jamie watched the gun point toward him. It felt like he was in some kind of altered state – he saw the muzzle flash and heard both the bang and Katie's scream, but none of those things processed in his mind. It was as if he was outside of his body, watching himself flail backwards and crumple to the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"So how are things going with Walsh, Janko?" Sgt. Renzulli asked, grabbing the pot of coffee that Eddie had just put down. She took a sip from her cup while he filled his.

"Fine," Eddie responded. And things _were_ going fine with Kara as her new partner. It wasn't Kara's fault that she could never really replace Jamie in Eddie's mind. At least Kara seemed to instinctively understand that there were still a lot of pent up feelings inside Eddie when it came to the subject of her former partner, meaning she avoided the subject of all Reagans as much as possible.

Sgt. Renzulli, on the other hand, just couldn't seem to let it go. Every time he and Eddie talked, Jamie was either brought up directly or at least hinted at. Eddie wondered how many more times she would have to tell him that she hadn't spoken to Jamie and still had no idea why he resigned. It was like Renzulli thought she did _know_ something and just was keeping it from him for some reason.

The tension behind Eddie's voice must have struck a nerve in Renzulli because he looked at her oddly for a moment, squeezing his eyes slightly shut and pressing his lips together. He opened his mouth again, as if to say something. There was something...off about the way he was acting. Eddie's heart stopped for a moment, and she waited breathlessly. Did Renzulli know something about why Jamie resigned? Why he made that decision without even talking to her? That was still bothering her, no matter how much she tried to get him out of her head – and her heart. The last couple of weeks she had gone on a string of dates, avoiding all of their old haunts, but she still thought about him. Maybe getting the answer to this question would finally allow her to truly move on.

Renzulli took a sip of his coffee, and the odd moment passed. He wasn't going to say anything more…and maybe he didn't have anything more to say. Maybe Janko was just imagining that he knew something more than he was saying.

"Have a good tour, Janko."

"Thank you, sir."

Eddie walked away from the coffee machine, fighting back a lump in her throat.

* * *

><p>Danny glanced at his watch, then at his phone, which still showed no missed calls.<p>

"What's up, partner?" Baez asked. "You're on edge."

Danny sighed. "I just haven't heard from Jamie yet. He was supposed to check in this morning."

"Well, did _you_ call _him?_" Baez asked teasingly. "Geez, it's not like you're a detective or anything."

Danny chuckled, trying to capture some of her lightheartedness so he could push away the instinctive fears that were starting to whisper in his ear. "Yeah, you're right. He probably just lost track of time or something."

Danny made the call, feeling worse and worse as the other line rang fruitlessly. When it went to voicemail, Danny decided it was time to be better safe than sorry. He ended the call without leaving a message, and then dialed a different number.

"Dad, have you heard from Jamie yet this morning?" Danny's stomach dropped when Frank said that he hadn't. He could tell his dad was immediately worried too, and it felt better to know that he wasn't the only one overreacting.

"Baez and I are close to the 12th right now, so I'm going to swing by and see if Renzulli or Eddie know anything."

"OK," Frank said. "I'm going to call Intelligence."

Danny ended the call without saying goodbye and sped up. They reached the precinct in a few minutes, and Danny led the way in. He noticed that Baez was no longer cracking jokes and now seemed as worried as he was.

Danny saw Eddie standing with a cup of coffee in her hand. He made his way over to her. "Janko!"

The young woman had clearly been lost in her own world, as she looked up in shock at his voice. "Detective Reagan," she sighed wearily. "What can I do for you?"

"Have you talked to my brother today?"

Janko shot him a confused look. "Why would I have talked to your brother today?"

"You two are practically joined at the hip. Listen, I don't have time for this – when _was_ the last time you talked to him?"

"Weeks ago, detective," Eddie regretted the snippy tone of her voice, but she had about enough talk about Jamie Reagan as she could handle for one day.

Now it was Danny's turn to look confused. Grabbing her by the arm, he pulled her into Renzulli's office. The sergeant looked at them in shock, but didn't say anything about the intrusion when he saw the expression on Danny's face. Danny closed the door behind them, not even waiting for Baez to catch up.

"You haven't talked to my brother in _weeks_?" Danny asked incredulously. "I figured he'd be using you as a sounding board."

Janko crossed her arms, feeling slightly defensive, as if she was being interrogated. "Sounding board for _what_?" She looked over at Renzulli, who had a guilty expression on his face and couldn't quite look at her.

Danny looked back and forth between the two of them. "You honestly don't know? I figured he'd tell you even without the clearance to do so."

Eddie looked again at Renzulli, who was still avoiding her eyes. She knew instantly that she was correct: he _did_ know more about Jamie than she did, and he had kept it from her. They _all_ had kept it from her…

"What last time?" she asked icily.

"With the Sanfinos."

The name was vaguely familiar to Eddie, but she couldn't quite place it.

"You really thought he resigned? He's undercover again!" If Danny wasn't so worried about his brother, he would laugh about how absurd this whole conversation was. Frank had never explicitly ordered Jamie not to tell anyone beyond those who needed to know, well aware that Jamie was too smart to be loose-lipped with the information. But Danny would have thought he had at least told Eddie. "Anyway. No time for that. I need to find him, and he's not answering my calls."

At that moment, Danny's phone rang. He ripped it off his belt, hoping that it meant he could stop worrying. Instead of his brother's name on caller I.D., he saw his dad's, which only made him worry more.

"Yeah?"

Eddie and Renzulli watched frozen as Danny listened to the voice on the other end.

"I knew Erin was getting a warrant, but I didn't know it had gone through yet. Do you think Jamie acted on it already?...OK, I'm heading over there now."

Danny hung up. "Can you spare a few uniforms as back up, Sarge?"

Eddie spoke up before Renzulli could. "Walsh and I are ready to go."

"Alright – Holland, Jenkins and Mann. We'll meet you there."

Danny crossed the distance between the precinct and the law firm in record time, and honestly wouldn't be able to give any details about the drive if pressed. He had been against this stupid undercover idea from the start, but Jamie just wouldn't listen. He kept saying he had to do something for his friend. If it was just a murder investigation, then it wouldn't be so bad…but international terrorism connections? Jamie must have a death wish…

The women flanked Danny as he walked up to the receptionist and flashed his badge. "I'm looking for Jamie Reagan." And of course he had to use his actual name, since he needed to use his actual degree and license to get the job. _That_ wouldn't make him an even easier target. Their dad had reminded Danny multiple times that putting himself in danger for this was Jamie's decision, but Danny couldn't help but wish that Frank had instead put his foot down and told Jamie no.

The secretary reeled back in shock and stammered out that he wasn't there.

"Where is he?"

"I…I don't know. He hasn't been in today."

Danny hesitated, unsure of what to do next. "What about Katie Marin?"

"No, she hasn't either."

"But…" a sleazy voice behind them drawled. "They've been spending a lot of _quality time_ together, so it's probable that they have the same…_illness_."

Danny turned to look at the guy behind him, wanting to punch him instinctively. Fortunately, his phone rang again before he risked being accused of police brutality again.

"What?" he snarled into the phone, not in the mood for any niceties. He listened for a few minutes and then turned to the others. "Walsh, Eddie, stay here and make sure they don't start getting rid of any files. Call the 5-4 and have them send a couple techs out to start collecting the hard drives. It's all covered in the warrant. Baez, let's go."

Eddie watched them leave, desperately wanting to go with them. She _needed_ to know what was going on with Jamie. There would be plenty of time later to get mad at everyone for keeping her out of the loop on whatever the hell was going on. Right now, all she could do was wonder and worry.

* * *

><p>"What's going on?" Baez asked as Danny put the car in gear.<p>

"That was TARU. Traffic camera footage caught Jamie and a woman – probably Katie – being dragged into a panel van with a logo for a warehouse that is owned by one of the companies this firm represents. ESU is meeting us there."

They timed it almost perfectly, arriving shortly before ESU pulled up. Danny pulled his vest on and led some of the team to the front entrance, while Baez took the others around back.

"3…2…1…" Danny kicked the door open and went into the warehouse. The officers moved down the aisles formed by crates, boxes, and pallets. The warehouse employees shouted in surprise, but they moved aside with hands raised, clearly not interested in being shot for whatever was going on. Danny made his way toward the offices, since it was obvious that Jamie was not being held in the main warehouse.

Despite knowing that Jamie had been dragged out of the firm, Danny was still not prepared for the sight that greeted him when they entered the inner offices. Katie and Jamie were both tied to chairs. Katie was awake, staring at them with round, scared eyes while trying to scream through her gag. Jamie didn't need a gag. He was slouched over in his chair; blood stained his shirt and dripped onto the floor beneath him.

"We need a bus!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

The paramedics pushed the gurney through the emergency room doors, and Danny was right on their heels. They shouted a bunch of incomprehensible medical terms at the doctors and nurses who were waiting for them, but Danny didn't need to understand what they were saying to know that Jamie had lost a _lot _of blood.

Memories of the day they lost Joe overwhelmed Danny for a moment, but he pushed those fears out of his mind. Right now, he could only think about one brother. He could not lose Jamie too.

A nurse put out a hand to stop him from following them, and Danny was left standing helpless as he watched them push his brother further away from him. In a daze, he walked over to one of the waiting room chairs, dropped heavily into it, and rested his head in his hands. He had no idea how much time had passed until he was brought back to reality by the sound of his family members' voices.

"How is he?" Frank said gruffly, the armor of the police commissioner masking but not completely hiding his fear. Erin and Henry stood behind him, visibly distraught.

"No word yet," Danny's voice was drawn, exhausted.

Erin moved to sit in the empty seat next to Danny, reaching up to rub his back. "Linda is bringing the boys to my place, so Nicky can watch them."

Danny nodded, not trusting his voice. He didn't realize until just now how much he needed to see his wife. She was the one who gave him his strength, even if he didn't admit that often enough.

A doctor in scrubs walked through the double doors and headed toward them. Danny stood, moving to stand next to his father. He shared a look with Henry, then turned back to the doctor. Inwardly bracing himself for bad news, he felt a surge of relief at the slight smile that flitted across the doctor's face before he started talking.

"Commissioner?" The men shook hands. "Your son made it through surgery. Some of his organs had started to shut down from the loss of blood, but we've given him a transfusion. He is critical but stable."

"Thank you, doctor," Frank said. Danny released the breath he had been holding. Critical was not good, but at least Jamie was alive…

A couple hours later found all of them still sitting uncomfortably in the waiting room chairs, despite being told many times that Jamie's condition would not be likely to change by morning and that none of them could see him until he was upgraded to a better status.

Danny took a moment to rub his burning eyes, and when he looked up again, he saw Eddie walking toward them.

"Hi, Eddie," Erin said, standing to give her a hug.

"Um…hi," Eddie stuck her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "I'm sorry for intruding. I just…"

"Nonsense," Frank said. "You're family."

Eddie smiled, clearly touched. Eddie sat next to Erin, who quietly explained what they knew – which wasn't much more than what had been told to them originally. After that brief conversation, everyone fell silent again.

* * *

><p>Eddie was still a little uncomfortable as the only non-Reagan there, despite the welcome she had received. She had been torn on whether she should even come to the hospital, but in the end, she couldn't stay away. While Renzulli couldn't let her off duty immediately due to everything that was happening, he had forced her to ride the desk for a while. He assumed – and he was correct – that Eddie was so distracted that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to be on patrol.<p>

For hours, she had alternated between being afraid that she would never be able to speak to Jamie again and being so angry at him for not telling her about the undercover assignment that she didn't _want_ to speak to him again. She felt so shaky inside that she was surprised she hadn't fallen apart yet. Eddie was glad that no one else was talking, as she definitely knew she would not be able to hold it together if she had to express what she was feeling.

Even though she couldn't express it, she finally admitted to herself that she didn't _just_ have romantic feelings for Jamie…She was in love with him. Utterly, deeply in love.

Eddie let out a long, shaky breath and smiled slightly. It was such a relief to finally acknowledge what she was truly feeling that she allowed herself to just momentarily forget about the other problems standing in their way. Those problems would still be there tomorrow, of course, but right now her heart couldn't handle too many emotional extremes.

Not to mention…Jamie wasn't safely out of the woods yet. Eddie might have realized the depth of her feelings for him too late.

Eddie was pulled out of her thoughts by Danny standing up. She looked up, fear coursing through her that the doctor was about to tell them bad news. However, instead of a doctor coming towards them, it was a nurse pushing a hospital gown-clad young woman. Eddie realized that, until this moment, her mind had conveniently forgotten the biggest problem standing in the way of her and Jamie.

"Katie," Danny said. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. They're mostly just watching me for shock now, but I wanted to come and thank you for rescuing us and to find out how Jamie was doing."

Eddie's stomach churned, flashing back to the law office earlier today when the sleazeball made a comment about Jamie and Katie spending a lot of quality time together. With everything going on, it had been so easy to forget that Jamie was involved with someone – someone who apparently knew what was going on with his undercover assignment while Eddie had not.

In the long run, did it even matter if Eddie loved Jamie? That didn't change the fact that he didn't feel the same way about her. Jamie would have enough to worry about with his recovery; she didn't need to make him feel guilty about not returning her feelings. Eddie wasn't used to not fighting for what she wanted, but maybe this time, not fighting was the right thing to do.

After a few minutes conversation with the family, Katie went back to her room to rest, and Eddie also made her excuses to leave. Erin promised to call if anything changed, and Eddie had to refrain from commenting on the fact that, when it came to her relationship with Jamie, _everything_ had changed.

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><p>It was early morning when the doctor finally gave the go-ahead for each family member to visit Jamie for a short amount of time. Although Frank wanted to see him desperately, he let the others go in first. Jamie was still out of it while his siblings and grandfather sat with him, but he started coming around when Frank walked in.<p>

"Dad…" Jamie whispered hoarsely.

"Son." Frank said gruffly, and his mustache quivered for a second. Sitting in the chair next to the bed, he looked down at his shoes for a moment, trying to compose himself.

"Are you OK?"

Frank couldn't help chuckle. It did not surprise him at all that his youngest was worried about someone else, even as he was in a hospital bed hooked up to an I.V. and machines. Danny and Henry may tease Jamie sometimes about being a bleeding heart, telling him that he had to be more cynical to be a good cop, but Frank knew that Jamie's empathy was actually what made him a great cop – and an amazing son.

Looking up, he met Jamie's eyes and nodded. His pain-lined face and still-dazed eyes pierced Frank's heart. No father wanted to see his child injured, and being the one who was responsible for putting his children in danger kept Frank awake every night. Jamie had come up with the plan to help find Bill's murderer the night he found out about it; it was only later that Intelligence had told them about the connection to terrorism. He would certainly not have thought less of Jamie if he wanted to back out at that point – and a large part of him wanted Jamie to do so – but he also couldn't be prouder that the new information only made Jamie that much more dedicated to seeing it through. This morning, though, when Jamie was missing, Frank had regretted not ordering Jamie off the case. It was pure luck that they were sitting here in the hospital instead of the morgue, and that was not a situation Frank ever wanted to find himself in again.

Frank reached out and placed a hand on Jamie's forearm. Without having even mentioned his name, Joe's ghost was sitting in the room with them. Frank knew that none of them would ever get over the loss of Joe, but having Jamie safe made Frank think that Jamie's big brother was looking out for him that day.

Noticing that Jamie had slipped back into oblivion, Frank squeezed his arm, stood, and left the room. As he walked out of the hospital, Danny fell into step behind him. It was time for them to officially close Jamie's case. A lot of people would be in jail tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

**I apologize profusely for the delay. Real life, unfortunately, got in the way for a while. I will try to finish this story ASAP.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Jamie gritted his teeth as he pulled the small weight up to his chest. The physical therapist smiled encouragingly at him, and Jamie knew that he was pleased with the progress Jamie had been making. For Jamie, though, his recovery was not happening quickly enough. It had only been a couple weeks and, logically, Jamie knew that it would be several more before he was completely healed. He was lucky to be alive. He _knew_ that.

But that didn't stop him from wanting things to be back to normal right now.

Now that the case was over and Jamie could go back to his normal life, that's all he could think about doing…when he wasn't thinking about Eddie that is. When he had been undercover, it hurt to be away from her, to lie to her, but the overwhelming drive to take down Bill's murderer had been so important that it outweighed the hurt. Now, though, he was free to be near her again and to tell her the truth.

But he was still in the hospital…and she refused to answer his calls.

Not that he could blame her. He had lied to her repeatedly about a pretty major thing. He knew she wouldn't understand that he _had_ to do it. Bill's murder had obviously been the emotional catalyst for Jamie's involvement in the case, but when he learned of the opportunity to take down a company that funded terrorism, it had become even more important – and more dangerous. At first he didn't tell her anything because of all the unsaid secrets that were floating around them already, but he continued to not tell her because he would never have been able to live with himself if anything happened to her because of what he was doing.

He was pushing his recovery harder than he probably should, but he knew that the sooner he got out of here, the sooner he could get back to his actual job, and the sooner he could get back to Eddie. She wouldn't be able to avoid him quite so easily once they were both in the precinct. Jamie could only hope that he wasn't too late, that she would accept his apology. Even if he never had her love, he needed her friendship. Their last conversation in the hallway outside of his apartment played on repeat in his head and, in many ways, made him suffer more than his injuries did. The only difference was that he had some control over his recovery from his injuries – only Eddie had control over ending his suffering for her…

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><p>Jamie flipped the channels, unbelievably sick of both his hospital bed and daytime television. The doctors were optimistic that he would be able to leave in the next day or two, and Jamie could not wait. Family members came to visit every day, which helped to pass the time, but ultimately it also made it even more obvious who <em>wasn't <em>visiting him.

Speaking of visitors… Jamie turned off the TV and smiled at Katie as she walked in. He had heard she had been released from the hospital almost immediately, but that Danny and Intelligence had been taking up a lot of her time with interviews. Her testimony would be the icing on the cake of what Bill had been able to get for Intelligence before he had been killed.

"Hi, Jamie," she said softly, sitting in the chair by his bed.

"Hey."

They were silent for a moment, and she tentatively reached out to hold his hand. While it was quite clear they would never be in a romantic relationship, Jamie knew that they would forever have a connection because of the ordeal they went through. She didn't have to talk for him to know that she was reliving the hours they had spent in the warehouse together. He had been lucid for a little while before the blood loss had overtaken him, and during that time, he had kept her as calm as he could, given the situation.

"Thank you," Katie finally said with a tremor in her voice.

Jamie scoffed. "Why are you thanking me? I'm the one that put you in danger in the first place. I'm so sorry – I should never have dragged you into it with me."

Katie shook her head. "I'm glad you did. If I had known what the firm was doing…"

Jamie squeezed her hand but didn't say anything. He didn't know _what_ to say.

Finally, he shook himself out of his thoughts. "I'm glad you came to visit. I was going stir-crazy in here."

Katie chuckled. "I know how you feel. They only kept me for a little while, and it was difficult! I can't imagine what it's been like for you."

"Tough…but mainly just because I want to finally get back to work."

"You miss the uniform that much, huh?

Jamie smiled, but refrained from saying what he actually missed. However, Katie could read him almost as well as Eddie could.

"Or is it a certain _partner_ you're missing?"

"I never should have told you about her," Jamie sighed.

Katie laughed. "You had to give me some sort of reason for breaking my poor, little heart," she teased, and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Well, with how things have been going there, I may as well not have even bothered."

Katie frowned at him. "How are things going?"

"They're…not." Jamie shifted in the hospital bed, simultaneously uncomfortable talking about this but also desperate to talk about it with someone. "She won't talk to me at all."

"Why would she? I wouldn't talk to you if I were her."

Jamie shot her a sour look. "Gee, thanks, pal."

"What? It's true. You lied to her for weeks."

Jamie sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I know."

"You never did tell me _why_ you didn't tell her the truth. This whole situation with her could have been avoided…so why didn't you?"

Jamie avoided her eyes but didn't avoid her question. "It was just…easier to not have to worry about my relationship with her for a little while. Obviously not anymore – it's a _lot_ harder now. But for a little while, at least, I was able to just pretend it wasn't there."

"And now?"

"Now. Now I want to talk to her so bad it hurts. I know you're right. Obviously you're right. She has every reason to be mad at me. But we were _partners. _You'd think she would still come see me at least once.

Katie's eyebrows furrowed. "She did."

Jamie shot her a look, confused but with a newfound surge of hope. "What do you mean?"

"She was here the night you were shot – sitting with your family."

"What? That's the first I heard of it."

"Yeah, I saw her when I came over to find out how you were doing." A slow grin grew on Katie's face. "Actually, she left pretty much right when I showed up."

"And this makes you smile because…?"

"You really don't know a lot about girls, do you?"

Jamie hesitated, looking at her with an expression that showed he was half-hopeful but couldn't let himself be completely optimistic about what she was saying. "What do you mean?"

"For all she knows, you and I are together, right?" Jamie nodded, and Katie's smile grew even more. "And then I show up at the hospital. Of course, she's going to jump to all the wrong conclusions."

Jamie grew pensive, debating how likely it was that Katie was right. He desperately wanted that to be the case – if the reason why Eddie wasn't talking to him was because she was jealous of Katie…then…that meant….that she was _jealous_.

Could Katie be right?

Maybe she was and maybe she wasn't. All Jamie knew was that he almost died, and he wasn't going to waste any more time not acting on his feelings. He had to take a shot with Eddie, and if she didn't feel the same way he did, then so be it.

And if she wasn't going to answer his phone calls, then that was even more of a reason why he had to get the hell out of this hospital and back to the precinct.


End file.
